Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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