check it out our google latitudes are spooning
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
