I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize