I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
