and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
