just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Randomize
