A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
Randomize
