just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
Randomize