dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
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