i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
sex in a hospital.. check
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
