i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
