If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
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