A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
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