She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
