First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
i came on her dog
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Randomize
