So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
Randomize
