it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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