I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
Randomize
