I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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