Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
Randomize
