Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Randomize
