I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
