I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
I just gift wrapped bread.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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