I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
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