can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
So much rum. So many feels.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
