I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
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