So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
