Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Randomize
