I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Randomize
