How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
