Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Randomize
