Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
