I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
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