Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Randomize
