Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
God gave him joint rollers for hands
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
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