i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Randomize
