Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
Randomize
