You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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