So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
