dude i'm inner monologue high
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Randomize
