Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
