I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
This gyro tastes like lonliness
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
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