sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Randomize
