We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
Everyone says I win the strip club
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
Randomize
