apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
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