woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
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