I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
Randomize
