i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
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