last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
