ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
I touched a dick in church today
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
Randomize
