Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
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