your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
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