HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Randomize
