I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
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