he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
