okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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