Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
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