Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
