Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
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