Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
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