I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
