Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Randomize
