You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
Can you repeat that, but with context?
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
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