Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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