Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Randomize
