the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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