just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
