I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Randomize
