hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
